Sexpert: Talking dirty

Art by Diane Sison

If there’s one thing that pretty much always causes a blush or two in the bedroom, it’s those naughty words that escape the lips of you or your partner while you’re gettin’ it on. Dirty talk can be an extremely powerful way to express your sexuality to your lover, and spice things up in the bedroom…and you don’t even have to be the “sex kitten” type for it to be effective.

What is dirty talk?

Dirty talk is what you say when you’re in bed with someone wanting to be ravaged, or you’re sexting making them wish they were in bed with you. It can be vulgar, crude, and humiliating, or just sweet, flirty, and sexy. However, crude and humiliating don’t work for most people, so at first, stick to the sweet hyper-sexualized stuff. Dirty talk is probably one of the most ‘awkward’ things for couples in the bedroom because it forces people to focus on the act in which their performing and it creates a transparency of both lovers in the bedroom. People also have the tendency to feel stupid for saying it, or think ‘they’re not like that,’ but really, who wouldn’t want to know how well they’re doing during sex?

How to Dirty Talk

This method is a bit vanilla, but it’s great for first time naughty talkers: Compliments are always nice to hear, especially when you’re naked and getting busy. You’re both extremely vulnerable at this point, and dropping a ‘you’re so sexy when you…’ will never hurt the situation, chances are you’ll just turn on your lover who will then perform at maximum capacity.

Essentially, dirty talking is a way of ego-boosting your partner into performing at his or her best, which will only benefit everyone in the end. Vocalize what you like, your fantasies, what feels good, what parts of the body you like on your partner, what you’re going to do to next, etc. Sometimes, leaving things to the imagination isn’t the best. For example, if he THINKS you’re going to go down on him, he’ll be happy, but if you tell him in a sexy way and he KNOWS you’re going to do it, he’ll be ecstatic.

Need ideas? Dirty phrases from’s “How to Talk Dirty”:

“Do you like it when I touch myself here?”

“Lie back and shut up!”

“You can have me any way you want…”

“You look so sexy when you do that”

“I want you so bad”

What Some LB Students Have to Say:

“I love when a girl dirty talks. [Sometimes] I tell her what to say.”

“She [or he] has to be comfortable saying it…or it just makes it weird.”

“Some guys are too…I don’t know…into a fantasy. I don’t like the ‘b***h, whore, slut’ dirty talking”

“I love when a guy tells me what to do, and then tells me how f***ing good I am”

“Dirty talk isn’t just when you’re in bed with someone…I want a girl to text me and make me feel like I’m [having sex with her] by what she’s saying.”

These are only very few examples of the myriad of things you could say and do in bed, so use your imagination. And remember, do not say anything that you’re not comfortable with… if you’re not confident, it will come across and make everything way more awkward than it has to be. Now you’re probably a little turned on by the naughty phrases and the idea with sharing them with your partner, so go have fun!

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