Resolutions of the stars

With the New Year quickly approaching, it’s time to think of ways to improve yourself and your life so you can have the best year as possible. We all have our standard ‘lose weight, exercise more, quit smoking, do better at work’ goals that can sometimes be easily forgotten or put off. This is the time when we look to celebrities to lead the way into the New Year. It is also when we notice just how ‘unique’ some of our favorite stars are, especially when it comes to making goals and planning their future.

‘I want to make $75 million dollars without doing much of anything. Oh wait, I did that in 2010. I’m such a lucky asshole.’ – Jerry Seinfeld

‘My goal is to give birth to a child; thereby beginning my body’s slow but inevitable fall to Carrie Fisher level frumpy-ness.’ – Natalie Portman

‘Kill Dick Clark. Kill Oprah. Gain total control over the media. Suppress all gay rumors.’ – Ryan Seacrest

‘Hopefully I’ll win a Grammy.’ – Justin Bieber

‘I’m going to lose 200 quarter-pounder with cheese(s) worth of weight – fifty pounds.’ – Jack Black

‘I’ve made a promise to myself and I’m really trying hard to stick to it, but I’m such a hopeless romantic that it’s hard. I want to try to be single my whole year of being 30.’ – Kim Kardashian

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