The 7 deadly sins of Laurier Brantford

Pride: The Beach Boys once said, “Be true to your school. Rah, rah, rah, rah! Like you would to your girl. Rah, rah, rah, rah!” Wise words from four guys in Hawaiian shirts, however, there is a time and a place for school pride and it does not involve sweatpants.

Wearing your WLU branded sweatpants everyday is a remarkable display of school pride, however, lest we thinkest you too proud, do some laundry and wear something without an elasticized waistband for goodness sake.

Greed: You gotta know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em and know when to just stay the hell away from the casino. For instance, the day you receive your OSAP cheque there’s a sweet spot of time when you haven’t yet paid your tuition and you feel the world is your government loan oyster.

The air smells sweeter, your wallet is a bit heavier and lights of the Brantford Charity Casino glow like that first flicked open lighter at an outdoor concert. It’s intoxicating. It’s romantic. It’s the quickest way to get kicked out of school just by betting it all on red.

Lust: Being apart from your high school sweetie can make your heart grow fonder or the girl next to in class you cuter. Be wary of Lust’s symptoms including: studious-groupitis, or the increased participation in study sessions including an attractive co-ed; textis-no-responsis, or not immediately answering the beckon of the beloved; and, the most dangerous: me-drinki-too-muchis-oops, which I don’t need to explain but you will.

Wrath: Nothing makes a Laurier Brantford student more angry, more enraged than being considered Little Brother Laurier. Practice deep breathing now for when people ask “So where is Bramptford?” Start memorizing your Gretzky stats and prepare to declare that Laurier Brantford is separate but equal to “Big Laurier.” And finally, remember that while Waterloo invented the Blackberry, we invented the whole damn telephone system. Boo-ya.

Gluttony: Nothing cures a broken heart, a hangover or loose fitting pair of jeans like an Admirals hamburger. Beware of this gluttonous beast with its double beef patty, savoury toppings and reasonable price. It lures you in and your pants get let out.

N.V: Club N.V is downtown Brantford’s finest dance establishment. It includes Jager Bomb-themed evenings, a mirrored wall and…people acting completely appropriately in a public setting. Yeah.

Sloth: You’re not going to do all your readings. You will never read every word of every chapter that you are assigned. But do crack open those $145 textbooks, lest the sloth overtake you.

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