The fuck friend and how to keep them exactly that The Sputnik October 5, 2010 UncategorizedThe life of a university student is indeed busy. For me, there’s my six class semester schedule, my part-time job and the never-ending workload I have writing for the Sputnik. This leaves little time for a social life, and relationships are out of the question – at least until summer. But I’m happy to say that my sexual life has not suffered.No, I’m not calling those 900 numbers late at night to fulfill my deepest, darkest fantasies with some stranger. And no, I don’t go to the bar to pick up some half-wit who thinks buying me a shot and telling me my tits look nice will end his night with fellatio. Instead, I have formed what some may call the “perfect relationship” – but we just call each other “fuck friends.”Fuck friend – otherwise known as friends with benefits, fuck buddy, ho-on-the-go, etc. For most, this contrived relationship leaves nothing to be desired but for me, this is the ideal way to gain sexual satisfaction without putting the time and effort into a real relationship.My “friend” and I have been in a wonderful on-and-off relationship for over 2 ½ years. For the benefit of my readers, I’ve compiled some of the “rules”, if you’d like to call them that, that help my fling work in an uncomplicated way:1) Pick someone you know and are comfortable with. The point of a friend with benefits is to allow you sexual satisfaction. If you’re constantly wondering what they’re thinking, you’ll never find total pleasure. Pick someone you can be yourself around.2) Relationship status. Make sure you discuss what you both want out of the relationship before throwing sex into equation. Set strict guidelines, or before you know it that person will be texting you regularly or even showing up unannounced.3) To sleepover or not sleep over—this is the question. For me, sleepovers are a big no-no. If the inevitable happens, make sure they’re gone in the morning. Nothing says “real relationship” more than breakfast and a cuddle the morning after.4) There’s no room for jealousy. Remember, you’re not this person’s significant other. If you see them at the bar grinding on someone from your CT222 class, do not go over and say, “Just so you know, he cries after sex” or “What are you doing out tonight? I thought you still had that rash thing.” You’ll make yourself look like a fool and your buddy won’t call you again.5) Jump ship if they get needy. This is especially the case for guys. Girls are crazy and need to be treated as such, so watch for telltale signs (see rules 2 and 4 for examples) and run while you still can. If your fuck buddy is on campus and you piss her off, she’ll tell every friend she has to significantly reduce your chances of finding someone else.6) Take a break when necessary. This is something I’ve had to repeat time and time again with my buddy. If you begin to notice they’re starting to get too comfortable and the relationship status seems to be shifting from fuck friend to boyfriend or girlfriend, you may need to take this step.7) Use condoms. I cannot stress this enough. You and your friend are both comfortable enough with your bodies (and one other) to have a sex-based relationship. Don’t be stupid enough to think you’re the only person your “friend” is fucking.There you have it! I’ve offered up the secrets to my perfect friends with benefits relationship. These seven steps have helped me enjoy a happy and healthy sex life without the time constraints of an actual relationship. Hopefully they can do the same for you. Good luck on your quest for sex.