Stick families: Narcissistic and dangerous

A crazy cat lady’s SUV. Rebecca Duce
A crazy cat lady’s SUV. Rebecca Duce

Everybody has seen them – you know, those stupid little white families on the back of every single mini-van. There are zombie families, Disney families, sporty families, and families with way too many pets. Now people have taken it too far and they just put little stick people representing themselves and their pets. So why is this an issue? First off, I feel bad that society has created such a push for individualism that people find it necessary to display their “unique” families of shoppers and soccer players on the back of their car. Secondly, these cute little families can lead to some pretty serious dangers. Don’t believe me? Allow me to help you explore your own ignorance to the realities of crazy people and too much information.

Picture this: You’re driving around town with the stick figures of you and your cat on the back of your car. Maybe you’re just trying to advertise that you’re single, and you’re hoping Prince Charming will get out of his car at a red light and sweep you off your bottom. But instead, a crazy rapist robber sees your car and thinks, “Hmm, that girl lives alone with a cat. Easy prey.” You are inviting trouble if you drive around town advertising that you’re a single female with a cat. Regrettably, you’re putting yourself in danger if you’re advertising that you’re a single woman at all, even if you have kids and a dog.

Now let’s turn this up one creepy notch. If you have kids, and you’re driving around with pictures of stick kids who are baseball players and ballerinas, you’re basically giving pedophiles a reason to stalk your children. It’s like having a stationary Facebook page on the back of your vehicle, and we all know the dangers of the internet. Actually, let’s touch on that. The Internet isn’t inherently dangerous. People make it dangerous by over sharing and giving people both motive and opportunity to do some really messed up stuff. That is exactly what you are doing when you put these weird, self absorbed little families on the back of your vehicle. I mean, how hard is it to go up to a kid and say, “Hey sweetie, I’ve seen you dance before. You’re a wonderful ballerina and I’m a dance teacher and I want you to be in competitions at my super fancy (fake) dance school. Here, take some candy and get into my van, I’ll take you there.” Poof. Your daughter is missing.

Maybe I’m just paranoid because 2/4 of my parents are police officers, or maybe I’m just neurotic when it comes to thinking about societal dangers. And maybe, much to my dismay, I’ve just given a disgusting pedophile some really great ideas.

It’s not your fault that society houses a ton of creeps, but you can take some extra precautions to prevent bad things from happening to you and your family. And seriously, start by taking those stickers off of your car.

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