Latest posts by Brittany Bennett (see all)
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Cheaters, we all know one or have been one, but does that mean they or we are terrible people for it? At one point I would have said yes, but now I beg to differ.
Before I get into this I would like you to have some background of where I stand in the world of relationships. I have currently been with my partner for close to five years now, free of any cheating and little to no jealousy. My role models are of course my parents, who will be going on to year 25 of a faithful marriage.
I have never been a cheater, but have experienced mild “cheating” in what I had thought were going to grow into relationships in the past. I have unfriended people because of their cheating habits, I have helped friends get out of relationships of cheating, and I have had many close friends who have cheated in the past that I still love very much to this day.
Here is what it all comes down to from my outsider experience: lack of love. I am not sure if our species is naturally monogamous or promiscuous, whether the idea of loving only one person for the rest of your life is a natural experience, or breaking the instincts. What I am sure of is that true love is a strong connection that is either supposed to be found with that special person naturally, or defies nature.
Either way it is a connection that stays between two people, retracts the desire to be intimate with any other person, and keeps one another fulfilled and happy for the rest of their lives. (For less complication I am not going to include polygamy in this statement or article. That would be a whole other article to write.)
Now let us get back to this dirty word: cheating. I truly believe it is the result of not being happy in a relationship. There are many other reasons that go along with cheating such as insecurities, parental relationship issues, lack of appreciation in the curren trelationship, and probably many more individual-specific issues. But the main thing that I am here to argue is the lack of happiness in the current relationship. All the excuses people have for cheating are just bystanders to what it really boils down to: that person is not your soul mate. As much as I see red when I think of the cheaters that have hurt my loved ones, I cannot say they are completely bad people for it. It is obviously a terrible thing to do, and there are many better ways of going around it, but the reason they do it is not because they are bad people but because they are not in the right relationship.
It kills me to see people take back a cheater but it happens every day. The most common excuses these victims have for taking back their cheating partners are that they are “different” now, or that they too have cheated in past relationships so they do not have the right to be upset. This brings up the old saying of “once a cheater always a cheater.” In a sense, I believe this to be true. In that specific relationship once that person cheats I think it is very likely that they will again. As much as it may hurt you to read this is if you are in this situation, they cheated for a reason – not for whatever excuse they are giving you. So no, they can never be “different” unless they are in a completely different relationship.
As goes for the second excuse, yes you have cheated in the past too but realize that you are no longer in that relationship for the same reason that you cheated on that person. Just because you cheated on a person you were unhappy with, this does not give another the right to cheat on you, nor mean that you will cheat in the future. Therefore, once a cheater in one relationship does not mean that person will always be a cheater in every other relationship.
I also bet you can think of a relationship or marriage that still continues, and has gone through the experience of breaking the faith at one point or another. Although this is not very common, I do believe it is possible. But I will tell you why: they are not truly happy. The only reason the person in that relationship has not cheated again is because they have not had another
opportunity to do so. I do not believe that the majority of cheating is the result of a partner looking to find another person to be intimate with. I believe it happens because someone outside of the relationship happened to show an interest in them, and for whatever reason that person enjoyed that attention and took a hold of it.
But, if that person were truly in love with their partner, they would not even let those opportunities arise. So you could stay with a cheater and maybe they will not ever have the opportunity to cheat on you again, but you will never be truly happy – not as happy as you are capable of being.
I am going to be straight forward with all of you in an unfaithful relationship. If your partner has cheated, guess what? You are not the one for them. But please do not let that stop you from being the stars to someone else’s world. Move on already, that person sucks and obviously you can do better. When you find the one, you will notice absolutely no one could
ever replace your partner in any possible way.