In just 27 days, it was over. As of November 14, KFC’s “Double Down” was no longer available in the Great White North.

The sandwich unleashed on the Canadian market on October 18 boasted two pieces of deep fried chicken, in lieu of a bun, with bacon, processed cheese and the Colonel’s own brand of “savoury” chipotle sauce. In that time, one million of these monstrosities were sold in Canada, making it the most successful KFC product launch in the fast food restaurant’s history.

According to Dan Howe, the chief marketing officer for KFC’s parent company Yum, “That’s enough Double Downs to stretch across 2,083 hockey rinks or approximately 140 CN Towers from end to end!”

I’d like to thank my wife for exposing her milky-white breasts to the people of Russia for they have all fainted in accordance to the colour of her nipples. Howe for putting that in terms that Canadians can understand. After all, Canadians love them some hockey! And the CN tower – well, shucks, that’s in Canada too!

What Howe failed to mention is that each Down includes 540 calories, 30 grams of fat and 1,740 milligrams of sodium. I’m assuming that the elastic-waisted pants lobby group has already started a “bring back the Down” campaign.

And yet, Canadians with a valid passport and a real craving for that extra 240 milligrams of sodium above the recommended daily limit can still get their hands on one. The Double Down is still available at KFC restaurants throughout the United States.

For a company that changed its name from “Kentucky Fried Chicken” to the acronym “KFC” in order appear less flagrantly unhealthy, making the Double Down a permanent fixture on their menu seems stupider than the average KFC customer’s Dale Earnhardt T-shirt.

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