Suffering from the Flappy Bird flu

You slowly sink your teeth into your bottom lip, the quickening pace of your index finger violently tapping the screen cramps your hand, and your elevated heart rate is causing small beads of nervous sweat to collect on your brow. You have been enslaved to a tiny, poorly animated bird. The swooshing sound of those bopping wings echo in your head and the rewarding ding you hear when you fatefully make it to the next level gives you short-lived high. There is no pill or vaccine for this growing epidemic. Flappy Bird Flu is plaguing thousands across the globe, and with no cure in sight the diagnosis rate is skyrocketing. Experts are attempting to educate the population on safe mobile device use, but for some it is already too late. Symptoms include spurts of violent rage, mood swings, shortened attention span, muscle spasms of the fingers and wrists, uncontrollable bursts of profanity, lowered grades, phone destruction, diminished sex drive, impotency, vomiting, nausea and, in some rare cases, death.

Flappy bird flu has afflicted a variety of demographics in an unfathomable amount of time and individuals displaying symptoms are encouraged to seek immediate attention and avoid using mobile devices. As the creator of the app Dong Nyugen deleted the original version from the app store almost a month ago, many may dwell within false ignorant bliss. Do not be fooled, hundreds of clone versions of the game have flooded the app store and many experts fear that the masses still remain vulnerable to imitators.

Forbes Magazine online contributor, Paul Tassi reported that approximately 60 Flappy Bird clones are uploaded daily to Apple’s iOS app store, meaning one Flappy Bird imitator is uploaded every 24 minutes. This further identifies the detrimental impact the game has on mental health. Even app developers inherently suffer from the mental symptoms, engulfed with the obsession to recreate the high of the original.

Flying Cyrus is a disturbing imitator designed to satiate those who have contracted the Flappy Bird Flu. This imitator alternatively uses the head of Miley Cyrus, as her infamous tongue flies her through an obstacle course of wrecking balls. The bombardment of the app store with knock-offs only further enables those suffering from the disease. Other clones use animated versions of Drake, Iron Man, Justin Bieber and an assortment of animals to copy the original.

If you or someone you love has contracted Flappy Bird Flu, it is not too late. In an attempt to ease the symptoms alternative forms of communication are highly encouraged such as email, Facebook and landline phone use to aid those affected by eliminating tempting mobile platforms. Rehabilitative methods such as human interaction, reading books and leaving your house have been shown to dramatically improve symptoms of those affected.  Together we can spread awareness for this devastating disease and hopefully reignite faith in humanity.

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