Scrooge away friends: A misusing the soapbox special

Ah, Halloween.  To those of us shaking off subsequent gut rot from the indulgent festivities of All Hallows’ Eve, you must prepare for a second storm brewing in the bowels of corporate America. Seemingly the second you wash the paint from your face and pull the pumpkin from the porch, a slew of fake snow and singing Santa’s is vomited all over dollar store shelves across the country. Unlike our friends to the south, the only holiday that is tail ended onto Canadian Halloween is Christmas. Our American friends should consider themselves fortunate as those tacky turkey figurines and pumpkin wreaths camouflage oh-so-well amongst all the Halloween décor.

There is nothing more unsettling than entering Wal-Mart on Oct. 31 to scavenge for a last minute costume only to find the half-empty Halloween aisle in forced quarters with snowman cookie jars. You’re forced to choke on the nostalgic odour of peppermint candles while desperately sifting through the spooky leftovers. If you were lucky enough to make it to Costco in September you would have the disturbing pleasure of viewing a life size Santa statue in all its infamous glory (Costco had a tendency to single handedly support those elusive individuals who complete their Christmas shopping by labour day.)

We can’t escape it. We all dread it. We love to rant about it, but why? Perhaps the main reason we lose our lunches when stealthy Christmas music infiltrates the airwaves could be attributed to the panic it makes us feel. What’s the rush? What ever happened to carpe diem, seize the day? The materialistic influence of modern society puts a fervent fire beneath our rears any chance they can get. You can just visualize corporate headquarters of Wal-Mart throwing a total rager on Nov. 1 as a way to celebrate the payroll that comes with the mass shoving of seasonal goods down the throats of consumers a full month and a half before the big day! It would probably be a sick party though…

So as you embark over these next November weeks, Scrooge away, my friends, for there is truly no need to rush these things until at least December. We all have a plethora of assignment and tasks at hand, but don’t let your Christmas to-do list sneak up on you until this month is through. So I beg you to enjoy this fully Christmas-less issue of The Sputnik, because life is far too short to stress about whether you made the nice list a full month in advance.

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