For those of you who don’t know, “Bring me the Head of Alfredo Garcia” is one of many long forgotten films. This obscure title illustrates my obscene take on the past, present, and future of film and television.

Long forgotten: Alien (1979) If you haven’t seen Alien, it’s basically a space invasion by asshole spiders that impregnate you with even bigger asshole dogs that burst out of your chest. They are dicks.
Missed: Black Mirror (2009) This three-episode drama is beyond description. The first episode involved a beloved royal member being kidnapped and held under threat of death. The only condition of his release is if the prime minister has sex with a pig on live television on all government channels she will be set free. As YouTube, Twitter, and government incompetence suffocate the main character, it becomes slowly obvious there is very little a man can do other then sex a pig under pressure – and that’s just the first episode.

Current: Breaking Bad (2008-present) coming back for it’s fifth and final season, split over 2 years, admittedly so, short of cheating. The greatest drama on television is back again, serving cold black delight to everyone who wants to see meth, guns, and whores. Welcome back, Malcolm’s dad.

Looking forward: The Dark Knight Falls (2012) This is Christopher Nolan’s last installment in the Batman series which means: spoiler alert! Batman dies in this one. BATMAN DIES.

 

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